What is Within
by LichMistress
Summary: AlucardxIntegra pairing. Observe as they look deeper within each other one fine night. Night turns to morning, but that is not all which changes as Integra sets aside her duty and honor as the words with her vampire servant continue further.
1. The Night

Disclaimers apply: this is fanfiction, I don't own Hellsing, or it's characters, etc.

"You have grown up very little, Master." His deepened voice seeped before her.

Integra sighed, her fingers tightening around the pen she held, ceasing from her extensive paperwork. Her throat pulsed while she swallowed the welling in her mouth, preparing for the frustration her servant would bring to her. He always had the wretched habit of interrupting her, she failed to admit the distraction was good to break up the hours of straight work. Her eyes still stared down at the document, awaiting her long signature. 'Integra Windgates Hellsing' A sigh.

"What do you mean, Alucard?" She asked, her chair creaking ever slightly while she pressed against it as her head lifted. A glance of her clock revealed it had already turned nine in the evening.

The vampire's sanguine eyes stared at her, unmoving as he approached her desk, placing his white gloved hands at the edge, leaning over. It was a shame she always leaned back in relaxation, he could never in stance put his face close to her's in a threatening manner. He grinned subtly.

"Master, this is what you have been doing since the day after we met. Sitting at this desk, signing that name, over and over, day after day. You have always been a woman, a bit more naive in your younger years, still, you may be like a child to me, you have always been a woman the same, Miss Hellsing."

"Do you have any point in saying this? It is my life, it was, it will be, Alucard, you know this."

"I have never served a woman." He replied, a slight tilt of his head and he continued. "You are nothing like the men, they are more child like, in many ways, always after excitement. I know you love the thrill of battle...and blood. You and I are-"

"Leave."

He always spoke of things most will never dare to say to her. She often realized the truth in his saying, though, none of it seemed to have any reason, point. Perhaps he enjoyed making her think about it all. Few times did he read her mind, he kept most of what was private to her the way it was. It were times like these where she felt Alucard was nearly as a father to her, and with that came an odd sense of discouragement. She had no time to think, no time to ration. She represented something far more than this. 'Integra Windgates Hellsing' she signed again, returning to those papers begging her attention.

"What is the point, Alucard? For being like the others, for not being what I am for this family and organization?" The cold sense of his presence never left her office, a smile appeared on her lips, knowing he had been watching.

"You are better than them." His voice crept. "I haven't asked you this in years, I will again. Do you still wonder what they live like? How they do it? What they feel?"

Her eyes lifted to find him bowed on one knee mere inches before her, looking back upward into her gaze. She dropped the pen carelessly, the cross of her legs tightening while she again leaned into the chair, now putting her forearms down on the padding, her hands wrapping at it's circular edges.

"You know I have, you know what happened when I became 18." She replied emotionlessly

He smiled. "You never talk of it, Master."

"Why should I? I asked you as a child of curiosity, I trusted you, I do trust you, still. I thanked you for it, I had what I wanted, and that was the end of it all." Her muscles appeared to tense.

"You try and tell me you never thought of it again, that you let your first kiss wash away as if it was nothing. I don't believe you. You addressed me with what your father called me, what you do now, for the first time, rather than "Monster" and you meant that, you wanted it to be from me, not some sniveling brat adolescent, not some young man finding himself or his way."

"I once wanted to know what whisky tasted like. I took my father's bottle, I took some of it into a glass and I tried the drink. I never touched it again." Her tone seemed to now become argumentative. They both knew she wanted this discussion, she were unsure herself of her decisions, and aftermath feelings.

"Me, I often wonder how you live as you do. How you put away all normal emotions and desires, you are sometimes more inhuman than myself, Master. You are better than them," His arm extended, hand facing the windows behind her, signaling to the people who lived average lives. "You are better and choose to seclude yourself from everything."

"That's exactly why, Alucard. I am unlike them because I life differently, I have bigger commitments, I have no time to be a child, to discover, and to be selfish. I am only human, I do all that I can for my duty. I know nothing else, I never have, I don't waste time daydreaming."

Seconds of silence began between them, as they looked at each others' eyes, seeking answers, pondering their responses to each other. He always enjoyed the times she would converse with him on deeper levels than their work. The temptation to read her thoughts rose within him, he had far too much respect to violate her mind, this was a time for her privacy, for her to say what she wanted to and no more.

"Walter, bring myself and Alucard a cup of tea each." she spoke, into the phone beside her, smirking at her servant, who gave her a wide grin.


	2. The Meaning

Silence continued until the humble Walter arrived into Integra's office, carrying the requested tea. He gave a brief smile to the both of them, he knew well that it were rare when she put aside her duty to speak with anyone, especially Alucard; who had terrible habits of teasing her.

"Good evening, Sir Integra, Alucard." He said, pouring the tea for the both of them.

"Good evening, Walter, thank you." Integra politely said.

Alucard had kept quiet, his eyes unmoved from his master's. As the butler exited the office, she cleared her throat, raising a tea cup. She then had realized Alucard was still at a kneel, her eyes focused on a wooden chair in front of her desk.

"Go on," Integra commanded, sipping her tea. "Take the chair, place it where you like." Her voice remained as casual and cold as she could muster.

He stood slowly, his eyes only leaving her's so he may not look down upon her. He brought the chair beside her's facing her, only inches away, as he had when he kneeled. She in return turned her armchair to face him, putting the teacup on the coaster at her desk, now to her right. Integra's legs crossed opposite, seemingly in slight unease, knowing this conversation may become further from comfort. Her hands reached for the small cigars and their lighter.

"Master, do you try and say you never think of that time?" He asked, staring at her once more.

"I said nothing of any effect if I think of it or not." Integra replied, flipping open the case of cigars, taking one between her fingers, setting the case on her lap as she lit it.

"You give more than an impression of that." He reached for the warm tea.

She took a long inhalation of the thin cigar. "What makes you wonder if I do, or if I do not, Alucard? Did it mean so much to you?" Her stare; cold, her eyes threw daggers toward him while she smoked more of the cigar, throwing the case and lighter carelessly to her desk with the opposite hand.

"Yes." A long, menacing smile crowded his face. "It did mean so much, Integra." He added after tasting the tea. He then bent forwards, putting the cup down, putting his hands on his knees. "Being the first to touch your lips." Excitement filled his tone. "Oh, how important that was. If you only knew. If you only knew!"

"Then it is more to you than it ever was to me."

That silence again, those stares. Alucard never wiped the smile off his face, he simply drank his tea while she did her's and smoked her cigar. A very slight and quiet chuckle escaped his mouth, she remained still.

"Integra..."

They set down their tea. She put out her cigar, then folding her hands on her lap. He stood over her, bending until his face was dangerously close to her's enough to make her cringe.

"Would it mean something if I did it again? If I do it...now?"


	3. The Confrontation

Placing a hand over her's, he tilted his head, closing his eyes, brushing her lips with his, displaying the most gentle care he could muster, Alucard proceeded. The air she released from her lips softly touched his face as she remained still. His other white gloved hand was now placed at her neck, beneath her long hair. She smiled faintly, her lips closed, moving her chin upwards, raising her lips closer.

"It would mean nothing, Alucard." Her stern voice said to him.

He groaned, stepping away from Integra, sitting back down in the chair in front of her. His arms folded as his legs crossed, his sanguine colored eyes looking at her with that same, wide, arrogant grin. He bowed his head to her, beginning to laugh. She too returned the laughter lightly, taking another cigar. It took no supernatural ability for her to know what Alucard was thinking, what he would now announce.

"Still, it would mean less from anyone else."

Alucard watched as she lit and smoked, placing her elbow on the adjacent desk with the lit cigar, letting it be held near her face as her other arm rested on her lap. The silence between them had always said as much as words could, if not more, if not the silence itself, how the couple looked eye to eye with complete comfort and ease.

"Is Hellsing the only reason you refuse to take lovers, Master? Or are you afraid? Something I never knew about you. I know the men you see daily desire you, you are quite a woman."

"Afraid they will cause trouble within Hellsing, is one matter, another causing excess emotion and conflict that is not needed here, nor do I have any want or need for a lover. There is no need for flattery, either, I don't care wether I look beautiful nor repulsive. That is not my place in this world."

"Excuses, Miss Hellsing."

"What are you implying?" She sneered.

He watched her heavily inhale from the cigar, again her muscles seemed to tense with unease. It fascinated him, he could nearly make physical contact with her, she trusted him enough never to take any advantage of her, or make any action she would be opposed to, still, inner thoughts made her defensive and cautious.

"You are merely twenty-four, and all you have had is one kiss from a thing that would never tell you 'no'. It was such a plain, innocent, child-like kiss." He smiled, bearing his fangs after speaking, watching her closely. "You were a lady by laws, then. You sat on the edge of your bed, with your hands next to your knees, you never closed your eyes. You were like a frightened little girl, acting as strong as she knew how, just like the day we had the pleasure of meeting. You did not fear me as a monster, a demon, you knew I would never harm you, you feared me as a male...Miss Hellsing"

Muscles in her face flinched as he spoke, she breathed heavier, finishing her cigar rapidly. Her lips opened slightly, only to close into a small, short, smile. For a quick moment, Integra looked away, looking at the portrait of her father, sighing. She felt and did as she was taught how, she were instructed all of her years on how to be strong, cold, intelligent, and how to be a perfect leader. Ah, she was very good at dismissing thoughts of intimacy until Alucard spoke to her, no one else would dare approach the subject. Integra crushed the end of the cigar into an ashtray. Returning her gaze to Alucard, her eyes softened, looking at his face beneath the wide brimmed hat.

"It interferes as much as you allow it to, Integra."


	4. The Morning

"Stand up...Please." His voice traveled to her ears softly.

Her eyes closed, her hands grasped the arms of the chair as she rose. Integra faced the window which was covered by blinds, her neck turned, taking a glance at him, as he looked up at her. Taking a deep breath, she put a hand over her breast, soothing her rapidly beating heart, and Integra sighed, closing her eyes. It were a time for strength, a rare time she would take for no one, no thing, but herself. Her duty was pushed aside as her hands clasped behind her back, and Alucard approached her.

"Yes, I do think of it, dream of it, I damn well fear it. Right now, it will matter to me, but only from you, just like the last time." She whispered quietly, as if hiding her words from herself.

She watched Alucard move around her, standing before her, his face no longer smiling, but sincere. This was the thing called romance, something she hid from her entire life, until now, as he spoke to her, leading her to this moment, forcing her to realize what she wanted.

"Do you remember this?" He asked as he removed the holy cross pendant from Integra's neck, placing it on her desk..

"Yes." She recalled he did the same before their first kiss.

"_Will you do this for me...Alucard?" The younger Integra asked._

"_Yes, my master. An honor this is." He replied, stepping in front of her, and switching off the lamp beside Integra._

_Her delicate fingers tightened around the edge of her bed where she sat, even her knees gripped tightly. She wouldn't hold him, she did not love him, it were simply a matter of curiosity. She took a deep breath in, holding it while she looked at the vampire servant. Her breath was let astray as he lowered on one knee, while he put an arm around her waist. His right hand slowly removed the holy pendant she wore, putting it gently aside, next to her hand. Integra stared at him still, as he placed a hand behind her warm neck._

"_This is the part where you close your eyes." Alucard whispered with a grin._

_She did as he said, her mouth unable to find it's way to a smile. His lips slowly touched her's, gaining in pressure slowly. They remained still for only a short time, perhaps only ten seconds as he felt her unease growing too far. Alucard moved away slowly, letting the hand on her neck linger before disappearing into the dark._

"_Good Evening, Miss Hellsing"_

"Never in all my years did I desire someone like I do you, My master.." He smiled kindly, "This is the part where you close your eyes."

So, they did, her blue eyes were covered, her lashed all touching. Her breaths became heavier, she nearly quivered in uncertain unease, she felt tears welling. Her hands stayed behind her back as she stood with flawless posture. He smiled at her, as she would not hold him, and he placed his right arm around her waist, and one around her shoulders.

"Oh, Integra..." He murmured

With the strength of passion, Alucard pressed her body to his as their lips touched. She seemed to flinch as he grinded his hips and lower region onto her, while he roughened his lips against her's. His arms tightened around her, as if he worried she would order him to cease. She gasped as he suddenly opened his mouth, he proceeded to hold her lower lip with his teeth, gently, being weary of the sharp fangs. He would be no monster tonight. Pulling on her flesh, he fought with himself to contain his lust for her sweet blood. With parted lips their mouths touched again, she took command for another innocent kiss, as he only gave her for a short time. With her lips parted again, he slowly slipped his tongue between them, leaning her backwards; she had no choice but to wrap her arms around him. Alucard repeated the various methods on her, awaiting her comfort.

One of his arms left her, removing his hat, tossing it to the chair he had sat in. His free hand began to untie the blue garment around her neck, letting it fall to the floor. She tensed again while he opened the top of her shirt to just beneath her breasts. Alucard's hand, though gloved, felt like ice as he placed it onto her chest, feeling her beating heart. His hand traveled down her body, caressing her through the clothing, resting behind her waist, just above his other arm. He refused to let their lips part as he raised Integra from the ground, and with a soft element of violence and danger, pushing her back against the wall. She tried to gasp, though, his lips forced harder against hers, and he rapidly shoved his tongue into her mouth as his body forced against hers, far more rough than the last time. His right hand moved to her neck, gently moving along the length. Again both of his arms wrapped around her waist, this time he left her lips; she breathed heavily and quickly, her eyes darling not to open. Integra's right hand was against her heart, which felt as if it may burst. Alucard bent his torso, placing a kiss on her neck. The morning sun began to shine through the window's blinds; it was time to take his leave. His's long tongue lapped up the center of her throat, Integra quivered, her eyes wide open with shock.

"Good _Morning_, Miss Hellsing.."


End file.
